


My tomorrow is our yesterday

by wngpxppy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bang Chan is Whipped, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Boyfriends, Chan is in love with Minho, Emotional, Fluffy Moments, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Sad ending kinda, Trauma, it's sad but it has fluffy moments, minchan, this is my first fic i have no idea what to do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26062147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wngpxppy/pseuds/wngpxppy
Summary: When tomorrow comes, Minho won't remember Chan.He won't remember the times they kissed or the way Chan smiles.He won't remember that he loves Chan.But Chan will always remember every yesterday, in which Minho smiled at him.He will always remember all of their yesterdays and will make Minho remember them too.Because in each of their yesterdays, and each of their tomorrows, Chan loved Minho.orthe too angsty amnesia au, that no one asked for and actually people just want minchan to be happy but I can't do that
Relationships: (implied) Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, (mentioned) Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 19
Kudos: 63





	My tomorrow is our yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> First things first, this story was inspired by the movie "50 first dates" and the kaisoo (exo) fic "anterograde tomorrow" by @changdictator. 
> 
> Now, have fun reading~

**_“_ ** _Chan Hyung”_

It was the first thing he said and the last time he remembered. The last time he remembered him and everything that he was; his name, his face, the dimples that decorated his smile and made it even more astonishing to look at, the way his hair felt soft under the younger males fingers, the freckles on his back that were visible to barely anyone but him and it was also the last time he remembered, the look in his eyes. A look that proved the younger, he was safe, that he was home. It was the last time Minho remembered all of the memories they shared and the feelings they had for each other. It was the last time he remembered but still, the first thing he got to know. 

* * *

The morning of the 16th August felt heavy as Minho opened his eyes, head pounding and feeling like it was about to explode at any minute. It has been a little over twenty-four hours since the man was awake the last time. But all of that, Minho did not know. 

What he knew was what he saw. He saw the white plain bed sheets under which he laid. He saw all of the monitors beside him, either making annoying noises or keeping quiet and just confusing him. He saw the empty bed beside him, a plastic cover above it. He saw the see-through curtains that had been closed, allowing him to also look at the fading night sky. He saw the clock above the door, showing exactly 04:07am in the morning. He saw all of that and he knew that something was wrong here because the last thing he remembered was going to sleep in his bed, on August 12th, knowing that he would attend a party today, August 13. 

But instead of waking up in familiar surroundings, the man found himself lying inside a hospital bed, a monitor noting down every beat his heart made. He felt weak, bruised, and damaged but he didn’t know why. There was nothing he could do, no one could call, because he didn’t know what was happening or what had been happening. He didn’t know anything aside from the fact that he was supposed to pick up his brother in about three hours, going to buy a present with him for the party he had been invited to. 

His brother. Felix. Where was Felix? If he was in a hospital right now, surely his brother wouldn’t be far. Felix would be by his side because after all, that’s what they do for each other, they keep taking care of each other. Felix was the only thing Minho had left of a family, the only family he knew, their parents long gone. Felix was everything he had. 

So, where was he? Maybe Felix was just outside, maybe Felix wasn’t allowed to be in the same room as him, maybe Felix was waiting for him. He must be. 

Despite feeling weak and having a head that could kill him any minute, Minho managed to get out of the bed, instantly feeling even weaker. His whole body started aching with every step he took, making him wonder even more as to what he was doing here, in a hospital. 

The hallway was quiet, one could hear the distant voices of, probably doctor or nurses, but besides that, everything else was dead silent. At first, the brown-haired male couldn’t really see anything, having to adjust his eyes to the sudden brightness of the hallway he just stepped in. However, as soon as his vision came back, he noticed a figure covered by a jacket that was placed above the person’s head, making Minho see nothing aside from the figure's legs. 

Finally, he thought. That must be Felix. He waited here, he slept in front of my door, waiting for his brother to wake up. 

Minho nudged the person, sleeping in the small chair, softly until they started moving, stretching their bones to be more awake, accidentally letting the jacket fall to the ground, while doing so. Surprised, Minho looked at the man in front of him, who was currently rubbing his eyes. This wasn’t Felix and he had no idea as to who this person was and what he was doing in front of Minho's room. 

Seconds passed in which Minho just stared at the man in front of him, trying to find answers simply just by looking but of course, he didn’t get any. Instead, the man started to look at him soon enough, starling the other and making him look at the ceiling quickly. Minho didn’t know why he reacted like that, like a toddler who was looking at strangers and getting embarrassed as soon as they noticed. Apparently, the man in front of him also didn’t understand his actions, staring at him longer, at least that is what Minho thought the other was thinking but instead, he was shocked, shocked to see Minho in front of him, standing there so casually and not seeming bothered by anything, not seeming sad. 

_“Minho? Minho what are you doing, since when are you awake, how are you feeling, why didn’t you call for me? You need to get back into bed right now_ _.”_ The blond stranger kept blabbering, stumbling over his words a few times, sounding somewhat excited yet worried at the same time. Minho didn’t understand any word he meant, to him, he was speaking a foreign language or something like that. Hands crossed behind his back; Minho furrowed his eyes as he looked at the man in front of him confused. 

Suddenly, the stranger stood up from his seat, grabbing the jacket on the floor in the same movement and placing a hand on Minho's back, gently shoving him back into the direction of the room he just woke up in. 

_“What are you doing? Who even are you and how do you know me? Just tell me where I am and tell me where my brother is, do you know him? Did he tell you to look after me? Where is he?”_ With that, the taller was quick to push the hand of the stranger off of him, feeling pain building itself up in his whole body as he hissed, maybe there was a reason why he was in the hospital. 

The other seemed startled, almost shocked at his behavior like it wasn’t how he usually behaved _“Minho what-”_

And he was right. Normally Minho did not act like this, so distant and rude when someone only tried to help but right now, all he wanted was Felix. Minho didn’t want some stranger telling him he should rest, he didn’t even need an explanation right now, he just wanted to see his brother. 

_“Just, tell me where my brother is okay?”_

The dark-haired male could feel the sudden change in the situation. How the stranger's eyes avoided his even if, only a second ago, they couldn’t seem to leave Minho. How slowly, the man removed his hand from Minho's body, leaving him untouched and somehow cold as the smaller took a few steps back. 

_“Minho he...”_

* * *

Noise. Mirth. Clamor. Wail. Silence. Images of familiar faces yet unknown people started melting into each other, creating a chaos of scenarios, all bundling up into a bright light that soon was replaced by the morning sun. Minho blinked once, twice, at the daylight, which was shining onto him through his window. He groaned, being bothered by it, before he rolled to the other side, hiding his face in the other pillow of his bed, avoiding the light that had torn him out of his dream world. 

A dream world in which there were too many but also too few people, too much silence but loud music, the sounds of nature and enthusiastic chatter were combined in one, creating a sound that made one's head hurt. Minho wanted to dream again, wanted to figure out what his dream was about yet, he couldn’t be happier about being torn away from his imaginary world. 

Realizing that he needs to get up one minute or another, the young man rolled around in his bed once again, rubbing his eyes awake first, before holding on to the soft fabric of the bedsheet just a little while longer, not ready to let go yet. 

06:38am was what the time showed, as Minho finally decided to sit up in his bed. He only had twenty minutes left before he needed to pick his brother up, he knew Felix was going to complain if he would come late again, just like last time. The man still wondered why his brother always needed to get things done in the early hours of the morning, when they had the whole day to prepare for Jisung’s party, the whole day to get the boy a moving-in present, even if it wasn’t needed. 

However, when it came to Felix, Minho didn’t want to complain about anything. After all, the boy was his brother and the most important person in his life. 

The brown-haired male was deep in his thoughts, almost blocking out the sounds that came from the outside of his bedroom. But just almost, because he still perceived them. The sounds were quiet, barely audible, due to the closed door, but Minho swore he heard something fall to the ground, he could bet his right toe on the fact that there was humming coming from somewhere else in his apartment, probably the kitchen since it was the closest to the bedroom. 

Maybe Felix was already here, he thought. Maybe his brother already made his way into Minho's apartment by himself, knowing that the older would probably have been late. After all, it was the only logical explanation and Felix even had a key, it must be him. 

The man sighed in relief, happy that he didn’t have to hurry, now that Felix was already here. He didn’t have to stress himself and get into his car, nervously tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he tried to drive as far as possible because only the lords knew why his younger brother was always so impatient. 

However, his whole theory of his brother being the one making all of these stranger noises appeared to be wrong, as soon as the door was opened from the other side, the person slowly pushing the door open, more and more revealing themself. 

Minho's eyes widened a bit as he looked the man, who he now could see fully, in front of him up and down, a small gasp leaving Minho's lips unintentionally while continuing to stare. It was rude, without question, eyeing another person like there is no tomorrow. He should run, probably, run away from the stranger in his apartment. The stranger that had just casually entered his bedroom, treating it like his own. 

Messy hair and only dressed in a loose shirt and underwear. One could easily think the man would live here too, sharing the apartment with Minho but no, Minho didn’t share his apartment with anyone. He didn’t have a roommate, he didn’t invite someone over last night, that, he would remember. 

He didn’t know the man in front of him who seemed so calm, with his eyes not even looking at the brown-haired but instead, looking down into his coffee cup, that he has been holding so casually, like it was the most normal thing to do. It was. But not in this situation. Not in another one's apartment. Not like this. Not, when Minho didn’t know who he was. 

_“Who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?”_

The taller male’s voice almost quivered, still not understanding what was going on right this moment, what was going on with the stranger in front of him. The stranger that just stood there. He just stood there. 

If he was a burglar, then why didn’t he move? Why didn’t he do anything? Why wasn’t he attacking Minho, tying him up to a chair or something, so that he wasn’t a distraction? Why did he break into his living space with the looks of someone who just woke up? 

There were too many questions in Minho's head. Too many wrongs. Too many missing puzzle pieces that could not be found or put together, not yet at least. 

The biggest question that has been running to his mind how in heaven, the stranger was so serene. How he seemed so comfortable in another person's apartment like he had known it since forever like it was his own. How he could now smile at Minho like he wasn’t making his head hurt with just existing right now. 

The slightly smaller male was looking at him, smiling right into his face, showing his dimples and if Minho was not totally weirded out right now, he would probably think about how cute the man’s dimples were. How cute he smiled. But Minho did not think of that or well, the thoughts were shuttered down by his confusion. 

Leaving the piercing stare of Minho, the other male quickly placed his cup down and grabbed something from the top of Minho's dresser. The object itself, he did not recognize, and Minho was by far not a messy person, he knew the things he owned and those he didn’t. However, this object he didn’t know about. 

It was a thin CD, the cover was white, and he could see that something was written on there, he could just not see what it was. But Minho knew that the few CDs he owned, those that Felix left at his house because god knew how many CDs Felix had hoarded and how less space he had to store them, were all kept inside a box in his living room. A box he would never open himself because he knew his brother would smack him if only one of them was missing. The box was also hidden behind some of the man’s books so there was no way that the stranger in front of them held one of Felix CDs in his hands. 

Minho wanted to continue wondering what this was all about and where the man possibly could have found the CD but he didn’t have the chance to anymore because as soon as the smaller grabbed the object, he held it out to Minho, symbolizing him to take it out of his hands. Yet the taller hesitated, not knowing what to do exactly but he still decided to take a closer look at it, taking one step forwards. Now, the words on the cover were visible to the brown-haired; “Minho. Watch this as soon as you wake up.” 

Without any hesitation, the man took the CD out of the stranger’s hand and stared at the cover. This was definitely not something he owned but why was it here? Why did it say his name and why was it given to him by a complete stranger, that was standing in his apartment at 7am in the morning? Nothing made sense to Minho right now, nothing. 

All he knew was that he was supposed to go to Jisung’s party this evening and that his brother still needed a present, which they wanted to pick up together, first thing in the morning. The whole situation right now, the blond-haired male in his apartment that somehow was extremely eye-catching, standing there, raspy morning voice and a soft smile on his lips, baggy clothes and freshly made coffee in his hand, it all just didn’t make sense. 

_“I need to get to Felix. I don’t know you and I would actually love to know what you are doing in my apartment, but my brother is more important right now. He is probably waiting for me already. Oh, holy hell, he will hate me. How late is it even?”_ He started to ramble, letting his free hand run through his still messy hair, searching the room for a clock that would hopefully show him, that it wasn’t as late as he thought. 

But he was wrong, the clock on his nightstand showed 7:18am. 18 minutes. 

18 minutes ago, he was supposed to be at his brother’s apartment. However, the man wasn’t even ready yet, still standing in his bedroom, unbrushed hair and clothes that somehow seemed new in his eyes and also like something he wouldn’t wear. His shirt was plain black, Minho didn’t like black clothes, he only had a few pieces for special occasions, this one wasn’t one of them. Strange. Maybe it was one of Felix’s. It probably was and the younger had forgotten it here one day, that sometimes happened. Felix was by far not as organized as his big brother. Always losing stuff and never cleaning up anything. 

The other male sighed, making the brown-haired turn to him again. There was something in the smile on his lips that seemed off, sad nearly. Minho didn’t know the man but the smile he wore now was different from the ones he presented him before. It wasn’t soft or friendly. No, this smile seemed like someone had just stolen Minho's cat and the stranger was the one delivering the message, trying his best to stay positive, so Minho wouldn’t be as sad about it. 

_“Here, just take this please, and also”_ He stopped when the disc was safely in Minho grasp, carefully looking at it again, making sure it wouldn’t fall to the ground, before holding out a second cup that was still in his hands . _"Here_ _is a cup of hot chocolate. Milk chocolate and three tiny marshmallows_ _.”_ The smile stayed. 

Minho furrowed his eyebrows, grabbing the cup slowly and checking the content in it. He let his nose smell the, slightly cooled down, drink, making sure that it really was what the stranger had said. Accepting that he was indeed telling the truth about the substance in the cup, the brown-haired male looked up again, meeting the eyes of the other. 

_“How do you know?”_

Minho was curious. How did this stranger come to know about the way he drank his hot chocolate in the morning? Or that he takes exactly three marshmallows but not the big ones, because they always ruin the drink in his opinion, making it taste a bit too sweet and soaking in the drink in some way. He had always been picky with his food and drinks. Never liking coffee and not really being into tea, especially in the summer days. Hot chocolate, however, was his favorite. He could always drink it. It was also something he associated with his brother, his whole family actually. 

Back then, in his childhood, his parents loved to travel. Minho and Felix, however, never were too much into it, the long car rides just weren’t enjoyable for them, having to sit still and not being able to play much with each other due to the seat belts keeping them in their place. To keep them both quiet, their mother always prepared hot chocolate for them, letting them pick the number of marshmallows they wanted. Hot chocolate kept them quiet because the drink made both kids more and more tired. It was also something to look forward too because usually their father forbids them to drink it more often, preaching that it would destroy their teeth, as a result of being way too sweet. Hot chocolate on long rides soon became their thing and it was one of their favorite parts of going on vacation. Even as they grew older, Minho and Felix never got rid of their love for the drink. 

Still, there was barely anyone who knew the exact way he liked it. Felix knew, of course, he did, and aside from him, a few of Minho's friends maybe, having seen him drink it so regularly if they knew him long enough. So, there was practically no way this stranger in front of him could know. 

_“Just watch the tape, okay?”_ The blond asked, pointing his finger at the TV, where Minho would be able to watch it. So, it wasn’t even a CD. His eyes wandered from the tv to the video that he held in his hands, wondering why the other sounded so eager about Minho watching it. What would happen if he wasn’t going to watch it? What was on there? 

But even if Minho was careful, he was also nervous. Which is why he sat down on his bed, shoving the bedsheets on the other side, not wanting to be bothered by them, and searching for the Tv remote. As he stood up again, inserting the disc into the player, he saw the stranger opening the door again. Minho looked at him, confused as to where he was going but he didn’t notice that. Instead, the shorter left the room again, leaving the door open this time, and somehow, Minho didn’t even care. He just sat back down on the bed and started getting everything ready, so that he could watch the tape. 

Right as he was about to click “start”, the other male returned, sitting down beside him. Minho looked at him from his side, not really turning towards him but still keen to know what the man was up to. He seemed to catch up on that quickly because suddenly, he smiled again, facing the brown-haired but instead of saying anything, he just pointed at the black screen. Symbolizing Minho that he should start playing the video. So, he did. 

It was black for the first seconds before one could see a hand that was trying to position the camera the right way, a few quiet grumbles leaving the person’s mouth as the camera didn’t seem to stay in the place it was supposed to. Soon, another pair of hands came into the picture, also trying to get the camera to stand still. It worked after a few more tries, both people let out a relieved sigh. One pair of hands vanished from the display again and steps were heard, letting one assume that one person out of the two, went somewhere else again. 

A couch became visible on the screen as the person stepped further back from the camera. One was able to see more and more of them with each step. When the person sat down on the couch, fixing a few strands of their hair while looking directly at the camera, Minho gasped. The person in the video was him. 

But somehow, he couldn’t remember ever filming such a video. The clothes he was wearing seemed oddly familiar, however. It was the outfit he thought about wearing to Jisungs party later, he had only bought it a few days before, his friend Jeongin encouraged him to buy it, saying it looked perfect on him and that it would be an amazing outfit for the party. The outfit was bought not even a week ago and, in this week, he was sure he never filmed a video or showed the outfit in any way. He didn’t even wear it again after trying it on for the first time. 

His lips parted at the strange sight. To him, it seemed straight out of a bad horror movie. It was surreal how all those bizarre things were happening all at once. Almost like a dream. He felt the stranger’s hand on his back, he seemed to have realized how confused and weirded out Minho was and, in this case, the brown-haired just let it happen. Even if he didn’t know a single thing about the man beside him, he let him comfort him with the simple gesture. 

With that, he looked at the screen again, pressing play once more. The Minho in the video shortly waved into the camera, smiling slightly before taking deep breaths, like he was nervous about what was going to happen next. And then he started talking. 

_“My name is Lee Minho, I was born 25_ _th_ _October_ _1998_ _but I know that however, what I don’t know is that it isn’t the 13_ _th_ _August of 2018, even if that is the last thing I can remember._

_Here is what happened._

_I got into an accident in the early hours of August 14. Me and my brother were on the way back home from Jisungs party. Then it happened. It was a car accident; Lixie was driving and he crashed the car. I don’t remember what caused the car to crash._

_I survived, he didn’t._

_I don’t remember any of this because I was diagnosed with anterograde amnesia on August 26, ten days after I woke up. It causes me to not remember my yesterday’s and every day I wake up; I think it’s August 13, 2018._

_It sounds quite overwhelming, doesn’t it? But don’t worry because there is someone special in my life. Someone who cares, someone who is willing to go through this mess with me. I wouldn’t survive without this someone._

_His name is Bang Chan, my boyfriend. He makes me remember._

_He is with me every morning and sometimes, I throw things at him because I don’t remember him and I don’t understand what he is doing in my apartment but then he makes me watch this video and after that, I’ll understand._

_So, remember, you have him. You will always have him. Stop hitting him with pans or shoes, he is the most important person in your life, and deep down, you love him unconditionally._

_Good luck to the Minho of today and see you again Minho of tomorrow.”_

The screen went black again, the video ending with Minho smiling into the camera. 

Despite his past-self smiling, he couldn’t bring himself to do the same, even if he tried. How could he? He just found out, through a video message, that his brother was dead. His brother. Felix. The only person he had left was gone, just like this. Without being able to even remember his death and why? Because Minho's brain got damaged. His brother died and he could not even remember it, he could not even remember how it happened or why exactly it did happen. He couldn’t remember anything due to his stupid brain. 

Tears started bundling themselves up, yet he wasn’t able to cry. He couldn’t even control his emotions. Anger? Sadness? He didn’t know how to feel. He was angry at himself. How could he not remember that? How could he not remember something of such importance? He was angry at Felix. Because he drove that night and maybe if Minho was the one in the driver’s seat, it wouldn’t have happened. He couldn’t believe his brother was just gone, without Minho being able to remember, without being able to say goodbye. The most anger he had towards his brain. How dare it be that stupid. How dare it just forget what happened that night? How dare it not remember anything else since August 13? 

He couldn’t imagine it. Waking up, every single day, and feeling exactly like he had this morning. Scared to come late and that Lix would be mad, only to find out, that his brother isn’t with him anymore and that the only person who was there for him, was someone he couldn’t remember. 

While the brown-haired had a rollercoaster of emotions the stranger, or apparently his boyfriend now, had stood up to get something from the blackboard, that hung above Minho’s desk. This man, that he knew nothing about, was his boyfriend? 

Minho couldn’t believe it. He could believe none of it. Everything seemed like a sick dream, a nightmare now. Minho hasn’t had nightmares in ages but this one was by far the worst one he ever had. 

But it wasn’t a dream, it was his reality. He came to realize that when the other sat beside him again, handing him all kinds of papers. It was Newspaper articles. Articles about the accident and about the fact that Felix died while Minho was unconscious until the 16th of August. The articles reported about the car crashing against a cliff, while the two were probably driving down the road at night. They both got into the hospital two hours later when the next car came down that road, finding them. Felix was barely breathing, the articles say. He died as soon as they reached the hospital. 

Reading all of that but not being able to recall it, it brought the boy to tears. The papers falling to the ground silently as Minho ended up using his hands to cover his face. He knew that the other was practically his boyfriend still, he felt weird crying around him. 

Through the gap of his fingers, he could still see the images of the broken car, the road, and their surroundings. He could also see the short article about the fact that Felix was dead and that the funeral will be held in a small circle. Minho wondered, was he even there? Was he at his brother’s funeral? How was it to wake up that morning, not knowing anything but suddenly standing in front of a grave, the most important person in your life, buried beneath it? How did it feel and why couldn’t he remember? Why wasn’t he able to recall a single thing? This could not be real. It just couldn’t. It must be a dream. A nightmare. Anything. Anything but reality, please. 

_“This isn’t real right? Please..please just tell me it isn’t. Tell me he is alive. Felix is alive. Tell me he is. He has to be. There is no way he is...no way he could be...No. He can’t be gone. He just cannot be. Please. Wake me up from this dream. Make me wake up. Make me wake up from this nightmare. I don’t want to be in it anymore. I don’t want to dream anymore. I want to wake up. I want to hug Felix. I want to see my brother.”_ Minho shook his head with every sentence, pinching his arm and his hands and everything he could pinch. He just wanted to wake up. He just wanted all of this to end. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to see his brother. Tears kept running down his face, he wasn’t even trying to hide them anymore. He couldn’t care less about it right now. All that was in his head were the images he had just seen. The articles, the pictures, the obituary. All these things he refused to believe. 

_“Please...just wake me up”_

As Minho kept shaking his head, both of Chan’s hands placed themselves on his cheeks, stopping him from moving. The younger’s eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks wet and his hair even more of a mess than it had been before. Small red marks decorated both of his arms as a result of trying his best to wake up from reality. Minho didn’t want to believe. He didn’t want to live in a world where he couldn’t remember his brother’s last words or the last smile he had on his face. He didn’t want to live in a reality where he couldn’t remember each of his yesterday’s. All he wanted was to go back to August 13, 2018. 

If only he could go back. Then he would have never left the house. He would have never gone to Jisung’s party. He would have never let Felix buy a present. But most importantly, he would have been the one driving that night. 

When the older wrapped his arms around him, letting his fingers run through Minho’s hair and pulling him closer to his body, Minho let it happen. He didn’t care if he knew nothing about this man, even if he was supposed to. He didn’t care how weird it felt to be held like this. Weird in a way that seemed also oddly familiar to the younger. He just didn’t care at all. 

The older must have done this a thousand times now. Being with Minho every single day, as the video stated. He must know how to calm him down and how to comfort him when he acted like this. Chan must have seen so many versions of him, versions that he himself wasn’t even able to remember. Chan might know more about him than he himself does. 

And as soon as the blond handed him another stack of paper, stating his diagnosis, Minho knew, that this was everything but a dream. 

Anterograde amnesia. 

There it was, proven by some doctors and signed by them. Minho had amnesia. He wasn’t able to remember the days after the accident. Every morning he woke up, no memory of what happened. Every morning he found out; his brother wasn’t with him anymore. Every morning he couldn’t remember his boyfriend, someone he was supposed to be in love with. 

Minho didn’t even know how long this has been going on, waking up each morning, having to believe that it is one and the same day. He woke up each morning and his first worry was that he would come too late to his brother’s apartment. Only to find out that, no matter how late he would come, Felix wouldn’t even be there. 

_“Which day is it?”_

The younger slowly parted from the embrace, letting his hands run over his face, trying to get rid of any tears that were still on there. He couldn’t really stop them from coming, everything being such a mess right now, but he tried to make himself stop. Not wanting to cry the whole day because he had enough time for that tomorrow and he probably did it yesterday too. He probably spent every single morning crying over the same thing. 

Chan looked at him, hand resting on the back of Minho’s neck while watching him carefully, making sure that he had calmed down at least a little bit. 

Minho didn’t remember Chan but he could tell that he cared a lot about him. That what his past-self had said about Chan was true. Chan was there. Every single day. 

_“It is May 27_ _th_ _, 2020”_

Almost two years. It had been almost two years since the day of the accident, the day he lost his brother. The whole amnesia thing had been going on for so long now. Making it nearly unbelievable that he is still here, surviving and living after waking up each day, getting to know the same tragic news and probably reacting the same way. 

Right now, Minho couldn’t imagine living like this, living through the same nightmare each day from zero. It felt so strange, so unbelievable. However, he was still here. Despite everything, despite losing his brother and being confronted with that whenever he opens his eyes in the morning. Despite not knowing what had happened in the past two years. Despite all of this and all the troubles he and the people around him had to deal with, Minho was still here. He was alive, he was breathing. He was alive yesterday, today and probably tomorrow too. Minho hasn’t given up yet. 

_“If you feel like standing up, I would like to show you something. It might help you.”_ Chan spoke softly, not wanting to startle the younger in his thought process. His touch completely leaving Minho’s body as he stood up. The way he was so patient with Minho, surprised him. Having to do this every day, other people would slowly go insane and lose any kind of composure they had left but Chan didn’t. Chan had been doing this for almost two years now and he had always been patient. 

The brown-haired looked up, Chan holding out a hand for him but not pressuring him into taking it. He just stood there, smiling the way he had earlier. Minho didn’t remember him but there was something about Chan that made him feel soft, which made his heart feel at ease. One of the hands that rested on the younger’s thighs found itself reaching out for Chan. 

As their fingers brushed against each other, Minho flinched automatically. He didn’t know why, thinking it was probably just because he didn’t remember Chan. At their second try, the younger didn’t flinch again, letting Chan pull him on his feet and making him stand straight. 

Minho wasn’t okay again; he was far from that. He just tried to push the thought of Felix back, focusing on everything else he could have possibly missed in the past weeks, months, and years. He put a lot of effort into holding the older man’s hand and standing still, trying his best not to shake too much. He put a lot of effort into getting himself to think he was okay, just for today because tomorrow he would go through the same again. Tomorrow he wouldn’t be okay again and the days and weeks after, he also wouldn’t be okay. This was his life now and he had to accept it. All he could do was to pretend he was doing alright, just for the smallest moment, even just for a second. Because every second counted in times where you weren’t able to remember the hours of the past day. 

The man led him out of his, or probably their, bedroom. This was the first time today that he stepped out of his room and at first, nothing seemed different. The kitchen across from them seemed normal, the bag of marshmallows on the counter was the only thing that was different. Chan probably forgot to clean that up earlier. The older changed nothing, everything was still the same way Minho remembered it. 

But when Chan pulled him more into the living space, Minho noticed the big difference. It was the only thing that had changed, the only thing he couldn’t remember about his apartment. 

Right beside the main entrance had always been a big empty space. It was just a plain white wall and the space of it wasn’t really used for anything. Felix had always suggested that his brother should buy a bookshelf or something for that space, but Minho refused to place anything there aside from his shoes maybe. Somehow, he liked the empty space, even if it made the apartment look unfinished in a certain way. 

Now, however, it wasn’t empty anymore. His shoes were organized at the other side, where his jackets were hanging and every other single thing, he would throw in that edge was also gone. The whole wall was full. It was decorated from the ceiling to the floor with polaroids, creating an ocean of colorful memories. Memories that Minho didn’t have. 

The younger let go of Chan’s hand, stepping closer to the wall and taking a closer look. In each of these pictures were him and his friends. Every single picture had the date on them. All of these things happened after the accident. 

There was a picture from November 22, 2019, his friend Jeongin and him were smiling while petting two bunnies that rested in their arms. “The day Yennie adopted two bunnies and he called us because they pooped everywhere” was written underneath it. 

May 14th, 2020, “Seungmin and Changbin have been dating for three years now, we had to help Binnie organize his romantic picnic this morning, you told them that they were meant to be.” 

Minho let his eyes wander over as many pictures as possible, trying to look at all those memories that he missed. There were many pictures of their friends but there were also a lot of memories with Chan and Minho alone. Pictures of Chan holding flowers with a big smile, the sentence “Your apology for hitting me with a pan this morning” written beneath. The younger smiled at this one. 

Only minutes ago, he was thinking how he was able to survive every day and now he was standing in front of this wall that basically held his past, showing him that he was able to have good times even in his situation. Minho couldn’t believe it, how everything was perfectly kept. How Chan made the effort of doing all these things for him. He kept track of everything that happened in the past two years. 

_“You make me remember every day. You make me remember_ **_you_ ** _every day.”_

Minho mumbled, letting his fingers run over the polaroids, realizing with every touch, that this was his life. His days perfectly noted down in numerous pictures. 

From the side of his eye, he saw Chan nodding slowly, his hand reaching for one of the pictures, taking it down from the wall, and leaving an empty spot in the full ocean. The older turned his body to Minho, placing the picture in his free hand. The picture showed two figures cuddling on the bed, seeming to be asleep. Taking a closer look, the younger soon came to realize that it was his bed and with that, he assumed that the two figures must be Chan and him. 

_“Each morning you don’t know who I am, don’t know who the arms are that are cuddling you or the person giving you your drink the way you like it_ _. You_ _don’t know the times I told you I love you. Each morning you don’t know me but each morning I show you this video and our pictures and each morning, I’m making you fall for me all over again_ _.”_

Minho looked at the smaller, not knowing how to react. It was pretty obvious to him that Chan probably put all this effort into this but hearing him say it, wording it like that, it seemed even more outlandish. It seemed simply impossible to do. 

The two share a look before Chan grabbed the picture again, placing it back where it belonged and the brown-haired also looked elsewhere, his glance was once again on the pictures. 

_“It must be hard to be dating someone who doesn’t know you”_

If he was the one in Chans position and Chan was the one who couldn’t remember him, Minho wasn’t sure if he would be able to do all of this. To wake up every day and have the person you love forget your existence. It would break him into pieces, having to try his best so that the other would at least remember if not love, him again and even if he did, it only lasted for a day. 

All Chan ever had was a day before Minho would forget him again. 

No. Minho could never do that, he would slowly go crazy as time would pass. However, Chan kept his cool. Chan seemed alright. He was smiling and Minho hadn’t seen him being anything but friendly and patient. In some way, Chan was able to do this. 

_“I got used to it and hey, you won’t ever remember if I did something embarrassing or if I said something to make you mad, every day is like pushing the reset button”_

At that, the younger found his lips cracking into a smile for the first time today. He was smiling, even if it was just a little. They shared a moment of fond smiles and shy eye contact before Minho caught attention of a certain picture. Carefully, he took it down from the wall, the glue at the back sticking to his fingers a little bit. 

The picture was taken by Chan, probably at a funfair since there was a Ferris wheel visible in the background. While the older was taking the picture and looking directly into the camera, Minho was holding cotton candy with one hand and the other was in Chans hair, grabbing for a piece of cotton candy that probably got stuck there somehow. He wasn’t noticing the picture being taken but still, Minho wore a bright smile as he was looking at Chans head, grabbing the candy with his fingers. October 08, 2018 “The first day after the accident, that I convinced you to go out with me.” 

Chans journey wasn’t easy. He wouldn’t let it show but Minho knew, the older had a hard time every day. He was smiling but still, there was a part of him that was hurting and yearning. Yearning for a life where his boyfriend remembered him and loved him. Yearning for the day he would be remembered again. 

_“How long have you been doing this?”_

The younger asked, still viewing the picture and taking in the image. It almost seemed like he was trying his best to remember the day it was taken. But he couldn’t. So, he put it back, sighing. 

_“Ever since you got diagnosed and the day the doctor told me that it is good to keep a diary of each day or to just have something that makes you keep track of all the yesterdays you can’t remember”_

_“So, there is a picture to everything?”_

Minho wondered. Chan couldn’t possibly have a picture for every single moment that happened in the past year. 

_“Everything important. I_ _also_ _added March_ _3_ _rd,_ _2018, the day we met_ _for the first time.”_ The blond pointed at a picture that Minho hadn’t noticed before. Instead of a picture, it was just a blank white polaroid. His finger drove to another blank polaroid. 

_“_ _June 10_ _th_ _, the day you asked me to be your boyfriend_ _._

_Even_ _though I don’t have pictures of these moments, I need you to know about them._ _So, this wall has basically every moment of the past two years, that was worth remembering.”_

The man looked around once again as Chan finished talking. Now looking even closer. There were days after days that had pictures of them, showing each little moment but then there were weeks left without a single picture. Minho wondered what must have happened in those empty days that weren’t good enough to have a place on the wall. 

June 10, 2018, was the day Minho and Chan started dating apparently. It was admirable, how Chan did all of this for him after just two months of dating each other. It made him wonder what kind of bond the two of them had before the accident. It made him wonder how much Chan loved him before they were even dating. But it also made him sad because Minho knew, he could never love Chan like that, even if he might have done so in the past. 

Shaking the thought away, Minho looked at the man in front of him. There was so much he wanted to know, so much he would like to be told about before the day ends. He wondered if, after today, there would be a new picture on the wall. 

_“How do you know when a moment is important enough to be kept?”_

There was a content smile on the older man’s lips as he slowly stepped closer. Chan’s eyes met Minho’s, time standing still for a second before the older placed his hand over the right half of the younger’s chest, touching the place where his heart laid. 

_“When your heart skips_ _two_ _beats before, during and after that moment”_

Minho’s eyes grew a little wide, his heart going crazy inside of his chest as he continued to look into Chan’s eyes, only now taking notice of how close they were. And in that moment, Minho’s heart definitely skipped more than just two beats. 

After a while, Minho decided that he spend enough time looking at the memories he supposedly made. The young man took a few steps back from the wall before deciding to walk into the open kitchen, opening the fridge only to see, that Chan must have prepared breakfast for them already. He was quick to take it out and soon enough, Chan too was sitting at the table, starting to eat the food he made as soon as he woke up this morning. 

The younger’s eyes peered to the clock across the table. 7:51am. Minho started to think about everything he could remember. He remembered Jeongin, who he had only met in April 2018, when said boy gifted him a free slice of cake, Minho had forgotten his wallet that day and Jisung was already long gone, leaving him to pay. Somehow, the two of them became friends after that and Jeongin would bring him sweet pastries on some days when he came around after he was done working. 

Minho remembered Jeongin and they only met four months before his accident. Chan had stated that the two of them met each other for the first time at the start of March. That was odd. Minho could remember Jeongin but he could not remember Chan. He couldn’t remember the day they apparently started dating but he remembered August 10, 2018, when he first met Hyunjin, his brother’s long-term crush. He could remember everything about that boy, he could remember how he looked like and what he wore that day. So, how come Minho couldn’t remember Chan even if they met long before his brain got damaged? 

He eyed Chan from the side, watching his every move and trying to find his answer that way. Trying to find an answer to the questions in his head, by the way, he moved his hands or the way he licked his finger because there was jelly on them. Tried to find an answer by the way he looked around the apartment, deep in thoughts about something Minho probably knew nothing about. Minho tried. But he didn’t know how it was possible. 

_“If we met before the accident then why can’t I remember you? Why can I remember everyone but you?”_

The younger’s glance grew penetrating as he saw Chan looking back at him. He didn’t know what he was thinking but something was wrong here. Something just didn’t make sense. And Chan knew why because he knew the feeling and the questions, he knew all about them because he asked the same questions and stared the same way. 

So, he told Minho. He told the boy how he went to the doctor, days after the younger was diagnosed. Because Chan had done research on the topic. He had found out everything about it. 

Anterograde amnesia. 

Minho was supposed to remember most things that happened before his accident and the people he had met months before. And he did. Minho was able to remember Jisung, his best friend, and that he was supposed to go to his party that night. He remembered that he had to go to that party, the one that happened only hours before his brother died. He remembered Changbin and Seungmin and how they celebrated their one-year anniversary on May 14th. He also remembered Hyunjin, who Felix would never stop talking about because he was head over heels for Jisungs soon-to-be roommate. And Minho remembered Jeongin, who he hasn’t known for long. 

Minho remembered every friend of his, every person he met, no matter how long they knew each other, so why didn’t he remember Chan? Why was he the only one who was being left out yet he plays the biggest role in Minho's life? Chan was the one who was with him every morning. Chan was the one who put effort into keeping Minho alive. Chan was the one saving his life every day from zero. Chan was the one he was supposed to be in love with. 

Why couldn’t he remember him? 

The older asked himself that too, every single day after the diagnosis. Because Chan knew what the doctor had said and he knew that Minho was meant to remember him, however, he didn’t. Every morning that he woke up, Minho didn’t know who he was. 

As the days passed and nothing seemed to change, Minho’s memory of Chan didn’t seem to return, the older went to the doctor again, asking as to why he was the only person, who Minho forgot. And Chan would always remember what the doctor had told him that day because he couldn’t believe it and he also couldn’t explain it. Even to this day, Chan didn’t know more than what he was told. 

_“Mr._ _Bang I’m afraid that you seem to be playing a very big role in his trauma. Despite being nowhere near Mr._ _Lee when the accident happened, there must be something that connects you to the accident_ _. Which_ _is why Mr._ _Lee is blocking out every memory he had with you, he tries his best to get rid of the memory that will remind him that his brother died. It is possible that he will choose to remember everything that he is blocking out right now_ _,_ _but it could also be the case that he_ _won’t ever_ _remember you again, I’m sorry_ _but there is nothing we can do other than to hope.”_

Chan told Minho about what he had been told but what he didn’t tell the younger was everything that happened because of that, everything Chan felt when he heard those words. He didn’t mention how he broke down outside of the clinic, crying in the pouring rain that day, too weak to even walk back home. He didn’t mention that he never came back home to Minho, leaving the younger wondering where the man was, that he couldn’t remember. He didn’t mention the way he spent every night awake, looking at Minho’s sleeping face for just a second longer because as soon as he woke up, Chan was forgotten again. 

He didn’t mention it, but Minho could tell that there was more to it than what the older had told. He wondered why Chan was like this. Why was he hiding all that he felt and all the pain he went through because of Minho? Why did he try to hide behind a different smile with each sentence he said? 

_“Come on eat up, will ya? I’ve got something special planned for today”_

There it was again. The sudden topic change because Minho had been staring too long. Chan wanted things to stay like that, he wanted to keep Minho from knowing the pain he had been through. He didn’t want the younger blaming himself for the agony Chan was suffering for so long. Minho had to accept that. He had to accept that today, he probably wouldn’t know more than the smiles on the other’s face. 

_“Huh? What are we doing?”_

Chan smiled, standing up and putting his dirty plate into the sink. His hand runs through his hair and he grabbed a towel that hung on the chair he had just sat on, turning around before answering Minho shortly. 

_“Go and check the blackboard in our room, I’ll be right back.”_

With that, the older vanished behind the now-closed bathroom door, leaving Minho all by himself. He was quick to finish his breakfast before going back to his room, checking the board. This morning, he hadn’t even noticed that there was something written on it but now, it showed him a whole plan for the day. Chan must do this every morning, which made the younger wonder at what time the older woke up. 

_The agenda_ _for today, May 27_ _th_

  * _Watch the video_
  * _Eat breakfast_
  * _Get ready and wear something a little warmer, it will get_ _cold_ _today_
  * _Buy some pretty flowers_


  * _Visit Felix_
  * _Go_ _down_ _to_ _the_ _river and have lunch,_ _the picnic_ _Chan prepared_ _is at the bottom of the fridge, don’t forget it!!_
  * _Maybe stroll through the streets and show you every new shop that has opened in the past years_
  * _Take you to a special place_
  * _Surprise you_
  * _Having you completely shocked by the surprise_
  * _Go back home_
  * _Cuddle in bed_
  * _Fall asleep_



While reading each point carefully and being fascinated by how Chan must do something like this every day, always planning what happens next, the older returned from the bathroom, now standing beside Minho. 

_“Do we do something like this every day? Something as big?”_

He wondered, referring to the end part of the day but now he kind of started to understand why he was still here. Each day, Chan put effort into making Minho happy and getting the best out of every today they shared. 

_“No but today feels special, don’t you think? Out of all the_ _yesterday's_ _we shared, today is different”_

The older wrapped one arm around Minho’s shoulder and leaned forward, their faces only inches apart but while Minho was looking at Chan, the latter was pointing at something on the board, soon gaining Minho’s attention with that. The blond tapped the board a few times before looking at the taller with a smile and slowly creating a distance between them again. 

_“Come on, we only have today. Get ready, so we can leave.”_

Once again, Chan exited the room, probably leaving Minho to get dressed in casual clothes and giving him time to get ready for the day. 

When the younger stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and washed, Chan was already putting on his shoes. Minho assumed that the older didn’t want to waste any time with the packed schedule they had today. It made him wonder once again if this was how each of his days went. If Chan came up with new ideas to surprise him every single day. But no, the older said that today felt special for some reason, maybe it was something Minho had yet to find out about, or maybe it was really just because Chan thought so. 

The tiny stone being kicked further and further away was the only real sound that was audible between the two of them, on their way to the flower shop. Both didn’t know what to talk about or what to say. Even though Minho still had many questions, he knew that a day wasn’t worth them, especially not a special one. He would have those questions again tomorrow, so he could also ask them tomorrow. 

The mixed aroma of roses, freesias, lilac, peonies and so much more was already filling the air and making its way to the two males, as they stood in front of the shop, minutes before entering. Inside of the small but filled shop, the scent grew stronger but still, it was a soft one. The different types of flowers combined their scents in perfect harmony, making one want to stay at the place forever, smelling flowers until eternity. 

Chan stepped inside first, the younger just following close behind him, not exactly knowing how to act. They both stopped in front of some flowers, the older had a quite stern look on his face, making Minho speculate about something. 

_“Do I pick the same flowers usually? Do I have my favorites?”_

The other wasn’t looking at him, instead, he was separating a single flower from the other ones in the small cask, handing it to Minho without a word before he continued to walk through the store. A red rose. 

_“Some days you would pick the same flower for a week straight and sometimes, you change it daily. I think it depends on your mood and the way you feel that day.”_

He was handed another flower. A sweetpea this time. 

_“Even though your mornings are almost always completely the same, you do feel different sometimes. There are days where you don’t want to get out of bed or days where you couldn’t care less if you arrive late at Felix’s apartment. Even though you wake up every day, thinking it is August 13, your mood still changes, and you feel different things.”_

This time, Chan turned around, looking into Minho’s eyes as he gave him the flower. A pink carnation. The younger tilted his head to the side, looking at the man in front of him and slowly taking this flower as well. 

_“Are we giving those to Felix?”_

_“Nope, these are for you. I will let you decide what you want to bring your brother. Meanwhile, I’ll let these get a bit more water before we take them home, yeah?”_

With that, the three flowers were taken out of his hand and Chan was walking with them to the cash register, leaving Minho wondering why he had picked exactly those three flowers for the younger. 

He wandered through the selection of flowers, trying to find something that he would like to give to his brother. What had he chosen yesterday or a week ago? What had he chosen the first time Chan did this with him? Minho wished he knew. 

Minho stopped at a few pretty flowers, quickly reading the tag under it to know what their name was. Perfect. He didn’t think a second longer before calling the lady that worked here. 

_“Excuse me, could I maybe get a bouquet out of periwinkles and bluebells?”_ He pointed at the flowers in front of him and soon enough, the woman nodded, taking out a few of them and bringing them over to the craft table behind the register. 

Periwinkles symbolized sentimental memories and everlasting love. Both things he definitely had and felt when he thought of his brother. Even if Minho would maybe never remember the way his brother left this world, he knew that he would love Felix forever. He cherished every moment he was able to remember with the younger, every moment they shared. Periwinkles were perfect and so were Bluebells, which also symbolized everlasting love. 

Happy with the choice he made and the way the bouquet turned out, Minho paid the lady and went to search Chan, who had suddenly vanished somewhere in the shop. But before he could even start searching for the man, he suddenly popped out of behind one big shelf, holding a small bouquet in his hands. A bouquet of lilacs. 

_“July 04_ _th,_ _2019, the day you sneaked out of the house in the evening, without me knowing. I was worried about you but after ten minutes, you came back, soaked because of the rain but in your hands was a bouquet of lilacs. You gave them to me with a smile and I will never, in a million years, forget what you said. ‘Even though I don’t remember you or our relationship, I’m giving you these because today, you are the first love I am able to remember. Even if only for today, you are my first love, Chan.’ These were your exact words that day, and I sadly don’t have a polaroid of that moment, but my heart was definitely beating constantly.”_

The smile on Chan’s face was different this time. It was bright but somehow, the way his eyes viewed the flowers in front of him was filled with sorrow. Chan wanted that moment back, he wanted more such moments, Minho knew that. But he couldn’t give him those moments because if Minho loved Chan or not, always changed, with every single day. Deep down he probably did but other than that, there were days where the younger would bring Chan flowers and cuddle him but there were also days where Minho ignored the other, where he didn’t want to believe a word he said. 

Their relationship was complicated, and the younger knew, he was the one at fault for that. 

Chan could be happy, he could be loved but instead, he chose to stay by the side of someone who changed his opinion about him with each day and who might not ever remember him again, even if he was supposed to. It wasn’t fair to the older and Minho honestly couldn’t understand why someone would cause themself so much pain with each passing day. 

_“Huh? Are you alright? You look so worried right now”_ He heard the blond say as Chan put the flowers down again, checking on his boyfriend with a concerned look. 

Minho looked up, smiling shortly before nodding. _“Yeah, can we get to the next part of the day?”_

* * *

Maybe it wasn’t only that they didn’t know what to say but also the atmosphere surrounding them as they kept silent on their way to the memorial park. Minho nearly memorized every particle of the flower bouquet due to not looking up at Chan once. The younger’s head was too filled with guilt. Guilt that, if they never met, Chan would be happy right now, probably receiving some cuddles from someone that loved and knew him, and not on the way to a cemetery that he probably saw every single day, confronting a guy that kept finding out his brother died long ago. 

_“Are you ready?”_

The older asked as they stood in front of the gate, Minho’s feet refused to move forward as he looked up. He knew what graveyards looked like, of course, he did and not once before, he had a problem entering one but now? Now was different. Now, they were here to visit his brother, they were here to see Felix gravestone. 

And Minho had no idea if he was ready for that. But he had to be, he had to be ready because, on every other day, he was too. He saw the same sight every day and tomorrow it might feel worse. So today, he needed to be strong. 

The man took two deep breaths. One, no matter how worse it gets, there was someone beside him. Two, for Felix. They walked through the amount of cordially decorated graves and with each step, Minho’s heart grew heavier and he could feel himself getting weaker. And then they were there. 

There it was. A small black stone plaque, nearly hidden in flowers and unlit candles, that read “Lee Felix. Born; 15.09.2000 Died; 14.08.2018” and that was enough. Enough to have the taller male break out in tears because this, was reality now. Now, he believed it because it was right there. Right in front of him was the down breaking reality, that his brother would never return to him again. 

Minho’s hands were shaking when he placed the bouquet in front of the tombstone, his eyes wouldn’t leave the plaque as he just kept staring at it, wanting it to disappear. He just wanted to be able to remember the night he lost his brother. He wanted to remember Felix’s last smile or his very last words to Minho, wondering if they were either sweet or maybe even kind of rude. Minho wanted to know what caused the accident, was it his fault? Was it perhaps his fault that his brother had to die? Maybe that was why he blocked it out, refusing to remember the actions of that night. 

Realizing that he could be the main reason Felix’s smile was hidden behind a gravestone now, pushed Minho back into panic. His eyes were already hurting, and he wasn’t even crying yet, the bottom of his lips quivered as he quickly pulled his hand away from the bouquet, almost like it just had been electro-shocked. He didn’t know what was happening, his mind wasn’t thinking clearly, his vision blurry, everything inside of him was a mess. Minho needed something to hold onto, something that wouldn’t go away, that wouldn’t vanish. Minho needed the support and the assurance that something was there. Just anything really. 

Thus, he reached out for something. Something to touch. His hand reached out for Chan’s, not even comprehending what was happening, he grasped onto the older man’s hand, clutching it tightly like it was the only thing that gave him assistance. Like Chan was the only thing he had left and maybe, he even was. 

The older didn’t say anything when Minho held onto his hand, he also didn’t wince in pain because the grip was too strong. He didn’t say anything when Minho started breaking down in front of him, agonizing sobs didn’t seem to see the end of it as they just kept getting louder. Chan didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled the younger’s body close to his, wrapping his arms around him, and in that second, Minho couldn’t care less what he knew and what he didn’t know about the man in front of him. Because right now, Minho needed this. Right now, Minho needed Chan. 

Right now, they were just two people, holding on to each other, finding comfort and trust in the other’s embrace, knowing that they were safe right here, in the arms of their loved one. 

_“Do you want to stay a little longer?”_ The shorter asked, his voice soft and quiet, scared to startle the other. At that, Minho parted from Chan’s embrace, shaking his head in the same movement and letting his one arm hang beside his hips again but his hand was still in Chan’s, their finger intertwined with each other. Somehow, Minho didn’t want to let go just yet. Only for a minute longer, he told himself because when your life and the things you remember are only limited to 24 hours, you start to care about those minutes, you start to appreciate every little second. 

So, with their hands still in one, they left the memorial garden again, saying goodbye to Felix today but knowing they would come back tomorrow. 

On their way to the lake, they did exchange a sentence here and there, it wasn’t much but one could tell that the atmosphere felt a little lighter now. Knowing that someone was there for him helped Minho. He was still sad but only for now, he chose to ignore that, not wanting to let the sadness take over his entire day. He chose to focus on what was in front of him and right now, that was a blond man, holding his hand while dragging him through the paths of the city with a smile on his face. 

Arriving at the lake, Chan sat the basket he had been holding this entire time, down onto the grass. They had chosen a spot under a big tree, being able to hide from the sun this way and also, because not many people were around them here, the place a few meters further was filled with way more people. 

As Chan unpacked everything from the picnic basket, already stealing a bite from something once or twice, Minho sat down and leaned against the tree, his glance was fixated on the lake in front of them. He was thinking again and that probably wasn’t good because, as of now, the younger believed that he was incapable of having any kind of positive thoughts on his mind. There was just too much room loaded with sadness so that all the happy things he could possibly be thinking about didn’t even have any room to breathe. His mind was a terrible and scary place and he wanted nothing more but to escape. 

His thought process was disturbed when the man beside him faked a cough a few times, desperately trying to get Minho’s attention and when the younger did notice him and looked up at him, he saw Chan standing there, looking a little lost but also, in some way, kind of nervous. _“Would it be okay if I-”_ He didn’t continue his sentence, instead Chan pointed his finger at Minho’s lap, one could see the faint blush on his cheeks which he tried to hide with a big smile, chuckling lightly before finishing what he wanted to say; _"-if I rested my head?”_

The younger tilted his head in confusion before he just nodded, not even thinking about it. Chan was quick to smile and make himself comfortable with his head lying on Minho’s lap and his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sounds of nature. It took a while for the brown-haired to loosen up a bit, letting his tense shoulders fall and deciding to just enjoy the moment, also letting Chan enjoy the moment. 

What was foreign for Minho, was what Chan was yearning for and even though the younger didn’t know everything, he knew that on some days, he was giving the man a hard time and he didn’t deserve that. Chan had always stayed by his side, no matter what Minho might have done in the past and on all the days he couldn’t remember. The least he could do was to give Chan the feeling of having a boyfriend back, even if it was just a small bit, even if it was just for one day. 

Carelessly, he let his fingers run through the man’s soft blond hair, looking up and trying to make out the sky through the branches and leaves of the tree. In a time, where he was uncertain about his memories and his life, the sky always seemed to hold a trace of hope. 

_“If you could go back in time before the accident happened, would you hold yourself back from meeting me and loving me?”_

He didn’t know how his mind came to ask such a question but when he looked back down, Chan had just opened his eyes, glaring right back at him. The older was quick to find an answer because only seconds after, he had already made his decision, emphasizing each word he said. 

_“Never in a million tomorrows”_

In the blink of an eye, the warm feeling of Chan’s head left Minho’s lap as the shorter sat up, now looking at him, his eyes seeming more earnest than before as he placed both of his hands on the younger’s cheeks, preventing him from looking anywhere else but at Chan. 

_“Lee Minho you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do not care if loving you means, making your heart flutter each day from zero”_

At that, the younger was astounded, not having expected such an answer. An answer that led his cheeks to heathen up and his eyes to start looking for anything that wasn’t Chan, not wanting to be seen. But of course, Chan saw how Minho reacted and the older couldn’t help but smirk at that, happy that he left such an impression on his boyfriend. Slowly, the older removed his hands, the smile, however, stayed. 

_“Uhm...”_ Minho tried to say something, anything but nothing came to his mind. He didn’t know how to react to such sweet and sudden words. Words one would expect from his boyfriend but after all, Chan was barely an acquaintance in Minho’s memory. 

All that he knew about the older was that, even though Minho only knew little about their relationship, Chan managed to make his heart skip two beats. In Chan’s opinion, it took only two beats of a heart to make a moment something that was worth being remembered. Only two beats of a heart to turn a moment into a memory that wanted to be kept. 

_“Let’s get to the next part of the day, shall we?”_

He knew Chan would understand the sudden topic change, Chan always understood everything, no matter what. Making Minho wonder once again what he could have possibly done in his past days, to deserve someone as caring, someone who loves him so much. And once again. The younger felt terrible and guilty for blocking out Chan, even if he didn’t know why he was blocking his memory of the older, he knew that Chan didn’t deserve it. 

There was nothing much he could do. Minho couldn’t just love Chan like that, he couldn’t get feelings out of nowhere and make them as strong as they probably were before. Minho wasn’t able to love Chan. He just couldn’t get himself to put on an act and he also knew that Chan didn’t deserve fake made-up feelings. Chan deserved the world and Minho yearned for him to get it, but he was afraid, that in this life, he wasn’t the one who could give it to him. 

However, what he could give Chan was twenty-four hours, he could give Chan every second of his day. He could give Chan all of his todays and maybe, just maybe that would be enough for the moment. 

As soon as they packed everything up again, Minho reached out, his fingers brushing against Chan’s palm until the older was the one grabbing for Minho’s hand and taking it into his own. 

That was what Minho could give Chan, simple little gestures that somehow seemed to make the smaller smile. For Chan, it was enough. For Chan, knowing that Minho was fine and that he was alive was already enough. 

The two of them just strolled around the city, Chan showing Minho all the new shops that have opened or the way his favorite coffee shop changed the interior. They walked through the streets, hands holding onto each other as they kept laughing and smiling at things they saw or said. At that moment, Minho felt happy and it wasn’t because they were outside or because he loved the busy streets and the filled boutiques, it was because of Chan. 

Chan who pulled him towards shops just to look at things inside the window. Chan who, bought him his favorite ice cream but ended up stealing half of it because he didn’t like his own. Chan who paid a street artist to play the first song they ever danced to. Chan who was there for him and showed him everything that he had missed, everything he wasn’t able to show himself. Minho felt happy because of Chan. 

And that’s why, when Minho saw something in the window of a shop, a bit hidden behind much more appealing items, he knew he needed to give something back, at least a little. 

The younger stopped in his tracks, letting go of Chan’s hand before saying a quick _“Wait here, I’ll be back in a minute”_ and vanishing behind the doors of said shop. It didn’t take long for Minho to get what he wanted, so he was back outside in ten minutes, holding the little thing, he just got, in between his hands. 

The older was leaning against a wall, checking his phone but as soon as he noticed Minho, he put it away again, looking at the younger who came to stop right in front of him, letting the item fall out of his fist but still holding onto it with his fingers, showing it to Chan. 

The man tilted his head to the side, eyebrows raising a little as he gently put two of his fingers beneath it, pulling it a bit closer to his eyes, so that he was able to look at it better. 

_“It’s pretty_ ” 

_“It’s a gift, for you.”_ The younger explained, a small content smile on his face as he watched Chan’s eyes looking at him in astound. Minho looked down again, opening the clasp of the necklace he had just bought. He held it up, right in front of his boyfriend’s face as he indicated for him to turn around. _“Will you put it on?”_

Chan nodded in a blink, not even thinking about it. He had seen and experienced a thousand different scenarios with the younger, being surprised each and every day with something new but never, in all of their yesterday’s had Minho gifted him a necklace or any piece of jewelry, this was new. 

Still, he wanted to know what Minho had thought when buying the accessories. It wasn’t a usual piece; it wasn’t just a simple necklace either. The pendant was a little two-dimensional silver clock, showing a random time. 

When Chan turned around, making it easier for Minho to put the necklace on him, the younger seemed to get what he was wondering about. 

_“I should have probably gotten you an ocean necklace because you like the beach or a paw-print because I remind you of a cat, but I don’t know about all of these things. I don’t know what you like or what you think of while looking at me. I probably knew once, I probably knew all about you but now, I don’t._

_What I know is what is now, what is today. What I know is that you are there for me, every second of my day even if I don’t remember you. I cannot give you the love I once had for you or the warmth you deserve to feel but I can give you my time. I can give you my today, my twenty-four hours.”_

The older looked at Minho again when he felt the necklace hanging safely around his neck. Twenty-four hours was all the younger ever had before he forgot again, twenty-four hours was Minho’s everything and he decided to give that to Chan. 

That was, more than just enough for the older, to know that Minho devoted his time to only him, even though he could spend it with anyone else, anyone that he remembered. 

It was enough to him, having Minho hold his hand again this very moment and having him by his side as they continued to roam through the streets until the sky started to darken a little bit, the sun soon to be setting. They have spent a lot of their time in the city, doing all kinds of things from eating snacks to trying on the craziest things, knowing that they would look silly. 

They do not have to go all out, driving down to the beach and having a picnic there or riding in an air balloon over the city, being on the same level as the birds. For them, a perfect day was on the side of the other, it didn’t matter what they did or didn’t do. 

However, there was still a part of their day left and Minho remembered the words that were written on the blackboard at home; “Take you to a special place” 

A special place? What kind of place would that be? Maybe he would know, maybe he would recall a place that Chan loved and cherished, somewhere special to him, but he didn’t. He was left wondering and asking his mind questions, that it could not answer. 

But Chan was the one to answer him as he kept leading them through the streets, the atmosphere around them quickly changes. Instead of noisy chatter and enthusiastic laughter of random people, they were now more and more surrounded by the sounds of nature and the insects who kept making quiet noises near them. The blinding lights of the city slowly changed to feeble streetlights that were only illuminating a small spot. It wasn’t really dark yet, however, the further they went into the woods, the darker it got due to the trees hiding the sky. 

Minho wondered where they could possibly go, being so far into the woods already. Chan just kept walking, not saying anything if or when they might reach the point. The younger also couldn’t tell anything from the way Chan looked, he kept a straight face the whole time. 

If he didn’t know better, Minho would assume Chan was a serial killer, having faked everything about being his boyfriend. 

That silly thought was soon to be forgotten when they found their way out of the seemingly endless path covered in trees and bushes. The city came into view again, but this time it was from a different perspective, the streets they just wandered through were now only an ocean of colorful lights and people were only faintly audible. Chan had brought them to a small hill, where one could glance at the city from a higher spot. There was only one bench in the middle, facing the scenario in front of them, it seemed enchanting and Minho couldn’t remember if he has ever been here before, but something in him just knew that the place had its meaning, its story. 

While he was still speechless by the beauty of this place, Chan had already moved on and let Minho’s hand go, only to put the basket down on the bench before taking a seat beside it. The younger was fast to follow, taking a seat beside Chan and watching as the smaller seemed to search for something inside the basket. He would hand Minho a few empty boxes, the food in them long been eaten and he started questioning what Chan could possibly be searching for. They ate most of their food when not all of it as they were in the park or even as they were on their way here. There shouldn’t be anything in that crate anymore. 

Still, Chan kept looking inside, trying to get something out with his hands. Speaking from the way he squinted his eyes and his lips growing into a thin line, the object must be stuck or something. Curious as to what was so hard to get out of the tiny basket, Minho was about to open the other side of it, when the older pulled something out, a relieved smile on his face and happy eyes as he held the object into the air, being proud that he managed to get it out. 

As he lowered his hand a bit again, Minho came to see what the object was. However, he still didn’t quite know. He wasn’t sure about the folded item in the blonde's hands, not knowing if he had seen something like that before. 

_“It’s a sky lantern,”_ Chan explained cheerfully, a bright smile on his face as he brought the object closer to Minho’s eyes, starting to unfold it at the same time. The younger had never seen these things aside from in movies, he didn’t know what they looked like when they weren’t in the air. 

_“Are we going to let them fly?”_

He knew the question was kind of silly, looking at Chan, while the older was busy getting the other sky lantern out of the basket, he had brought two. 

_“Of course, we are”_

Somehow, Minho now shared that excitement, having gotten affected by the way Chan was so joyful about this. It wasn’t anything enormous, it wasn’t taking a spontaneous trip to somewhere far or going to a concert of their favorite band, no. This was simple, it was small and light and effortless but somehow, it meant the world to the both of them and it managed to make their heart skip two beats. And that was all that mattered. 

The taller watched as Chan started to pull out his lightener, looking at Minho again. 

_“Two lanterns for you and me, I will help you fly, and you will help me, ready?”_

The blond handed him one of the lanterns he had been holding in his hand, just having lightened up the little candle inside of them, ready for them to fly at any second. Minho gladly took the object, carefully to not burn himself accidentally. He first needed to adjust a bit, having to find out how this whole thing would work. 

When he did, the younger looked at Chan, meeting his eyes. He almost looked ethereal, the dim light of the candle inside the lantern lightening up his face a little, the sun setting in front of them doing the rest, giving him a background of red tones that melted into orange ones as the sun was on its way to rest. Chan had always looked beautiful, from the moment Minho laid eyes on him this morning and on all of the pictures he had seen, the man was truly marvelous. But now, seeing him like that, doing the bare minimum and not even trying to impress anyone, not trying to look good for a picture or anything, Minho thought he was ethereal. 

_“Ready.”_

And so, the two males shared one final look as they watched their lanterns rising into the evening sky, making their way towards the sunset, off to a place unknown. The younger felt Chan grabbing his hand and silently, he let it happen, intertwining their fingers but not looking at him. They didn’t need to see the other’s face to know, that, right now, they were both happy. Just watching the lanterns rising further into the sky as the two quietly sat next to each other, hands in one but no word spoken between them. 

At first, the two lanterns went the same way, staying close next to each other, almost bumping but then, Chan’s lantern, the one that should represent Minho, went a different way, parting more and more away from the lantern it has started with until soon, Minho’s lantern went one direction and Chan’s another. 

What has once started together, didn’t stay together, no matter the light that shined inside of them and how equal the flames, that made them rise, had once shined. 

At one point, everything went its own way. 

The younger squeezed Chan’s hand, getting him to look at him, and at that moment, Minho also pulled his eyes away from the sky and looked into Chan’s eyes instead. It was quiet, the sounds of nature were once again the only sound audible on this soothing night. Unlike the other times before, no one dared to shift their glance elsewhere, wanting to keep looking for some reason. 

_“You know what I like about the stars and the night sky?”_

The shorter suddenly asked, his eyes peering at the sky above them for only a moment before he was watching the man in front of him again. Minho wondered why Chan suddenly wanted to talk about stars, seeing that the sun hasn’t even fully gone down yet, and stars were far from visible. Still, he was curious as to what the answer would be, deciding to give the older a slight shake of his head as an answer. Chan smiled, raising his free hand and pointing at the lantern that was still in sight. 

_“Because you will always remember stars. They will be there each day, that you might forget. Stars are always watching over you, keeping all those memories for you.”_

When Chan looked at Minho after having said those words, the younger saw how his eyes glistened in delight. Throughout the entire day, Chan has never failed to smile or to look content. It made the younger wonder how he really felt in the times where Minho was still asleep, in the early mornings where the smaller woke up, knowing that soon, it will all start from zero again. He wondered how Chan felt on each night they went to sleep and if he stayed up a little longer, savoring the time they had spent together on that day, cherishing the moments in which Minho knew about his existence. 

Even if Minho didn’t know Chan today there was something about the man, that made the younger interested. The whole day, Minho had been looking at Chan, noticing every single detail he decided to present of himself, and sometimes, he even saw those things, that Chan wasn’t meant to show, that was supposed to be hidden. He saw Chan in every color that the world had to offer and in every sky the universe held. Minho saw Chan in all his beauty and all his flaws. 

All of the details he saw in Chan today made him trust the older. It made Minho feel at ease, it made him feel like he was normal for at least one day. Whenever he was with Chan, he felt like it was normal to have your brain damaged and to not remember the people or the places around you. When Minho saw Chan, he felt home. Even if tomorrow, he would forget where he left his keys. 

Today became even more important this way. Because every second mattered and right in this second, Minho knew what he wanted to do, he knew what he wanted to do about his today. He wanted to be with Chan. 

And he not only wanted to sit on this bench with the older, staring up into the sky and watching as the city turned more and more quiet with every second passing. No, Minho wanted to know what it would be like to feel. What it would be like to completely lose himself in a certain moment. He wanted to know what every ounce of his body would feel like when he was with Chan, closer to Chan. If he would panic and back out or if he would let it happen, deciding that today, he was ready to Chan completely. 

Thus, the younger decided to not waste any more time in his head, thinking of what would happen and what wouldn’t because after all, every second mattered. It didn’t take long for the older to move his glance over to the younger’s eyes instead of the sky, which he had been looking at once again. It probably also didn’t take him long to notice that Minho was nervous, that he was overthinking. Because he wasn’t sure if this behavior was normal for him, if this has happened before or if maybe, it would absolutely surprise Chan. 

But the younger decided not to care for at least once because he only had today and only today, he was ready to let himself go. To not care about his actions or the possible outcome of them. Today, Minho didn’t care if he remembered Chan or if he didn’t. Today, he didn’t care about whatever happened that night where he lost his memory. Today, the only thing he cared about was, what was right in front of him. And right in front of him were glistening orbs, which stared at him, creating a competition for the sunrise in front of them with the way they seemed so ethereal. Glistening orbs, which loved him unconditionally. And there were lips as red as the sky had been just a few moments ago. Lips Minho had probably met a dozen times already; lips he had probably lost himself in a dozen times before. Lips he wanted to meet again, lose himself in again, just for today. 

And so, he did. 

When Minho's lips met Chan’s there weren’t fireworks or sparks lighting up the sky. There was only them. It was Minho and Chan kissing each other on a bench in front of the sunset, it wasn’t extraordinary or phenomenal. But it was special. Because to Minho, it was the first kiss he and Chan shared, the first time their lips met, and the first time their eyes closed as they both smiled softly into the kiss. 

The older was taken aback by the sudden action, however, this didn’t stop him from reciprocating the kiss and slowly starting to let himself go. The younger’s hands traced around Chan’s upper body first, before he rested one of his hands at the back of his neck, letting his fingers play with Chan’s hair, curling them lightly, while the other hand settled down on his cheek, his thumb feeling the skin under it before the younger suddenly pulled Chan closer to his own body, making the distance between them smaller with every movement. 

Minho’s fingers were everywhere, in Chan’s hair, on his cheek or on the necklace he just got him earlier. Enjoying the feeling too much to let it pass him so easily. Enjoying the feeling of being able to experience something like this with someone as loving and caring as Chan. Someone who cared so much about him, that he would rather give his own life away than to leave the side of his boyfriend. While Minho was kissing Chan to take in the feeling of being loved and being close to someone, Chan was kissing Minho to show him how much he was in love with the younger. 

Chan could easily be in love with the sky he had stared at for so long today, the sky that was a mix of violet and blue tones, shining above them right now and wondering why the man in front of him was getting more attention than the sky. Or Chan could be in love with the loud city in front of them, filled with chatters and laughter, which created an atmosphere of belonging somewhere. He could be in love with the nature around them and the small fireflies that showed up in the crinkle of Minho’s eye just a moment before. Chan could be in love with so many things, especially here but he wasn’t. Instead, Chan came to love something so fragile and something that changed every day, sometimes every minute. Chan came to fall in love with Minho and for him, the younger was the most mesmerizing miracle to ever witness. 

His point was once again proven, as he looked into the younger’s eyes, catching his breath in the meantime and soon, shooting Minho a sweet smile. _“I love you”_ the older whispered and even if he knew, he wouldn’t hear Minho say those words back to him, he still needed to let him know. Because Chan had gone through a thousand yesterdays and in some of them, very few of them, they kissed but nothing was quite like this time. In all of their yesterdays, the kiss didn’t feel as real as it did right now, it didn’t remind Chan of the way they used to be, of the way Minho would always surprise him with kisses and the way he was yearning for more each time. 

This kiss reminded Chan of his boyfriend leaving kisses all over his face to wake him up or cuddling him, whenever the older demanded attention again. It reminded Chan of the nights they spend camping back in the early months of their relationships or the week they traveled to Tenerife, loving each other by the sea. The kiss reminded Chan of the way Minho smiled at him on June 10, 2018, the day the older agreed to be his boyfriend or of August 10 in the same year, which was one of the last times where a kiss felt this much like home, like the Minho who loved him back. 

Chan knew Minho couldn’t love him because he couldn’t possibly fall in love with him in less than 24 hours and even then, his feelings would vanish by the time he falls asleep. But somehow, it was enough for the older. 

_“I know I cannot love you and I know that this is my fault for blocking you out but trust me when I say that-”_ The taller took a break, making sure Chan was looking at him before continuing. 

_“if I could remember you, I’m sure I would love you unconditionally”_

And he meant that. Minho wouldn’t be able to fall in love with Chan over the little time of twenty four-hours but he was sure that, in his past, the man in front of him was his happiness, his everything and the one who held his heart. If only Minho’s brain wasn’t damaged, if only the accident never happened. If only Minho could rewrite the stars and love Chan the way he deserved to be loved. 

Sitting there, on the old wooden bench on the hill, Chan realized that this was his favorite day with Minho. He had planned to make today special but the younger managed to do that all by himself. Each word Minho said, made Chan feel like they were able to rewrite the stars because he knew the younger didn’t have a reason to lie to him. He knew Minho was honest. 

And that was, what made both of their hearts skip two beats. 

_“You didn’t take a picture”_

Minho pointed out in a whisper, letting his hands fall from Chan’s face into his own lap again as he still continued to look at the older. 

_“Huh?”_

_“Wasn’t this moment important? Didn’t it make your heart skip two beats? At least, it was important for me and my heart definitely did skip two beats.”_

The older looked at him for a second, tilting his head to the side, his eyes sparked a tad bit of confusion, almost like he didn’t know what Minho was talking about. But he probably just forgot about it, the older probably just lost himself in the moment. Too busy thinking that he had “his old Minho” back, to remember his ritual. 

_“Oh, yeah sure, hold on.”_ He shook his head, chuckling lightly before slightly turning around to grab his bag, getting the camera out of it and quickly holding it in front of them. _Click._ He first took a picture of the sky, perhaps to remember the scenery. Then, he glanced at the younger before faking a cough and looking back into the camera. Minho still couldn’t take his eyes off Chan. _Click._ The older took the picture. 

When the camera vanished inside of the older male’s bag again, Chan started to view the sky again instead of Minho. Even if he wasn’t looking at him, the younger noticed that somehow, the way his eyes seemed to shine earlier, had changed now. The smaller still seemed happy but there was something in the way he looked at the sky, that made Minho worry. He couldn’t describe what it was or what could have caused it, but he was sure, that there was a difference in the other’s eyes. 

_“I wish I could remember”_

That was what got Chan’s attention again but this time, Minho was the one looking into the night sky instead of facing the older. It was quiet for a moment, only the sounds of mother nature were heard in the distance, making it seem like they both had already exited the place, but they were still there. 

_“You will tell me about this tomorrow, won’t you? About the way we sat here and the way we talked. About our lanterns, we let go into the endless universe. About the way, I looked at you and told you that I would love you if only, I was able to. About the present, I got you and the flowers you got me. About the way, we kissed, and I never wanted to let go. About how beautiful it felt to know, that someone is there for me, someone is helping me survive. You will tell me, right? You will show me pictures and tell me stories and hold me when I cry, just like you always do. You will tell me all about how I want to remember this. I want to remember so bad Chan. Please. Please make me remember this tomorrow.”_

Minho’s bottom lip quivered with every sentence he said, it was getting more and more hard for him to talk but he pulled through, telling Chan everything that had been kept inside his mind for a while now, despite tears running down his face and leaving wet drops on his hands, which were balled into fists, trying his best to concentrate. 

Soon enough, the fabric of his pants that he kept holding on to, was exchanged by soft hands and fingers that intertwined themselves with his own. Chan didn’t have any words that would comfort the younger but to Minho, his touch was enough. When the older saw that he had calmed down a little, he slowly loosened the touch, only to pull the taller in his embrace, wrapping his arms around him and letting Minho’s head rest on his shoulder. 

They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying the other’s presence as the light of the stars kept shining upon them, making them feel warm. Chan had and always will care for Minho, no matter under what conditions. Minho could forget him every ten seconds and Chan would still put effort into making the best out of it. After all, Chan loved Minho and all he ever wanted was the younger’s happiness, even just for a moment. 

_“Let’s go home, yeah? I think that was enough for today”_

Nodding, Minho parted from Chan’s embrace, wiping his tears with his own hands before standing up. Today was slowly ending and even if Minho didn’t want it to, tomorrow they would be together again. 

The way home was silent. They shared a few words here and there, but it was nothing special. Both men were pretty much exhausted, which also resulted in them getting ready for bed almost immediately after entering the small apartment. 

When Minho got out of the bathroom, he watched as Chan hung their newly taken picture on the wall besides all the other polaroid's. Smiling softly, he went over to the older and patted his shoulder lightly. _“Let’s go and sleep.”_

Now, after everything that has happened today, Minho found himself back there where it all started, where every day started, inside his bed, under his sheets. But now, Chan was lying beside him, his body turned towards the wall, while the younger was busy staring at the ceiling above him. He couldn’t help but recall all the things that have happened today and how tomorrow, he wouldn’t remember any of them. Yet there was still one thing he needed to know before he lost it all again. 

_“Is there anything you usually say to me at night? Like, one last thing before everything resets?”_

He felt Chan shift under the sheets but the older didn’t turn around, staying in his position. 

_“_ _Mhm_ _...I tend to say ‘Love you tomorrow’”_

_“Oh, okay.”_

Silence. Minho was still looking at the ceiling, even if he couldn’t really see it. He thought for a bit before shifting in his place, deciding to wrap his arms around the older male’s body, the younger’s face placed barely over Chan’s shoulder. 

_“C-_ _Channie_ _?”_

He stammered. It was the first time he used that name, not even knowing if that was what he usually calls the older. As a response, Chan only hummed, symbolizing him that he was also still awake. 

_“Love you tomorrow”_

Minho pressed a light kiss on Chan’s shoulders before he caught himself drifting off, one last realization on his mind; as much as he wanted it, tomorrow would never be today. 

* * *

Silence. Cold air. The only sound that was audible was the rain pouring against Minho’s window as he came to open his eyes. He slowly turned around under the blankets, being able to have a look at the clock on his nightstand now. 6:27am. 

He thought for a bit until he decided to get up already, thinking of how surprised his brother was going to be when the man would turn up early for once. Smiling to himself at the thought of Felix’s surprised face, he pushed his bedsheets aside, ready to get dressed and washed. 

However, there was something holding him back. 

A disc on his nightstand, with the words “Minho. Watch this as soon as you wake up.” 

And he didn’t know what it was, but something told him to let Felix wait and watch, whatever it was, that was commanding him to watch it. So, he put the disc inside of his player and sat back down on his bed, letting the video start. 

_“My name is Lee Minho, I was born 25_ _th_ _October 1998, but I know that however, what I don’t know is that it isn’t the 13_ _th_ _August of 2018, even if that is the last thing I can remember._

_Here is what happened._

_I got into an accident in the early hours of August 14. Me and my brother were on the way back home from Jisung’s party. Then it happened. It was a car accident;_ _Lixie_ _was driving and he crashed the car. I don’t remember what caused the car to crash._

_I survived, he didn’t._

_I don’t remember any of this because I was diagnosed with anterograde amnesia on August 26, ten days after I woke up. It causes me to not remember my yesterday’s and every day I wake up; I think it’s August 13, 2018.”_

The screen went black again and Minho thought the video was over, before he saw white letters on the screen, reading “There is a diary to make you remember, check the couch table in the living room. Good luck Minho of today.” 

With that, the video ended and somehow, it seemed bizarre to the man that it was only so little information that was given to him. All he knew was that he just lost his brother and that his brain was damaged thanks to some disease. He didn’t know anything about how it happened or if there was perhaps someone helping him deal with all of this. He didn’t even know how long it has been since he has been suffering from this amnesia. 

But maybe the mentioned diary would help him. So, Minho was quick to stand up from his bed and before he left his room, his eyes wandered to the blackboard over his desk. It was empty, as it always has been because he never used it for anything, but something told him, that the way it looked, was wrong. There was just something about that board, that seemed off to him at that moment. It was probably because it looked so odd when it was empty. Minho made himself a silent note to write something on it or just decorate it in any possible way. 

Having entered the living room, Minho’s head started hurting slightly, as it had just been hit by something. However, he chose to ignore that, believing that there were more important things right now than a sudden headache. Things like finding out what has happened to him. His eyes immediately met the couch table and the small notebook, which laid on top of it. As he sat down, he looked at the black cover, which read the words “This will help you remember. Keep it safe and place it back here after reading.” 

Holding it in his hands, it barely weighed anything. Still, as he flicked through the pages to get a first view, he was amazed by how full the diary seemed, everything in it was written on a computer and had been printed out, glued to the original pages of the notebook. He decided to stop wasting time and start reading, especially because his head appeared to feel even heavier with every second. 

Reading the entries, he noticed a few things that felt off. The first being the very first entry, it said to be on August 17, 2018, which was the day after he woke up when he got the information from the video right. Back then, he didn’t even know that something was wrong with him, that he had amnesia. So, how come there were entries of the days before he was even diagnosed? But maybe, he just filled them in later, with the help of someone who was there for him back then. There must have been someone by his side then. Someone who was there with him, after he woke up and before he got diagnosed. There must have been someone. This someone, however, was not mentioned in any of those entries. The way the pages were written, it seemed like he had been alone back then. 

The second weird thing being the perspective from which the entries were written. If Minho was the one writing them, why didn’t he refer to himself as “I”, instead the pages were directed to him, telling him what he had done, by using phrases such as “you did this, you did that.” To the man, it wasn’t something he thinks he would have done. But maybe, his past self thought differently, or maybe, these entries were written by someone else. Indicating once again, that someone must have been there. 

Then, what he had noticed reading through most pages, was that some entries were endlessly long. Telling the story of how Minho helped Changbin prepare his anniversary surprise for Seungmin and how astonished the younger had been when he found out about it. Still, these pages told nothing about the way he himself felt while experiencing these moments. There were no personal feelings or thoughts he could have had, which should have been there if he was the one, who wrote all of this. 

All this thinking wasn’t good for his head, as his situation just kept getting worse with every second. A sudden feeling of dizziness overcame him as he flicked the paper and found himself on the last entry, May 26, 2020. This one was different. It wasn’t long, nor did it tell him anything important. It was a few sentences, noted down and printed out, sloppily glued to the page of the notebook. The other entries were neatly glued into the book, almost perfect. All the entry read was “Today you slept more than you were awake. You did eat breakfast, but you stayed in bed after watching the video. That’s all you did today.” 

Minho had this heavy feeling inside of his chest as he read these lines. Something which told him that this wasn’t normal. That maybe something was missing, something very important. It also didn’t help when his eyes glanced at the white plain wall across from where he was seated. The plain white wall, which he had always liked the way it was but now staring at it, it seemed wrong to him. 

His headache only got worse when he got up from his seat, walking towards the wall. His head was making it impossible for him to think straight. He tumbled a bit, walking against the couch as he made his way and pressed his hand to the wall, trying to steady himself. There were bright lights flickering in front of his eyes. Noises made their way into his head, noises he never heard before, noises that weren’t real, yet he felt like they were. Inside of his head, he could hear the voices. Voices of too many but also too few people. Mirth. There was too much silence but loud music. The sounds of nature and enthusiastic chatter, laughter, and screams were combined in one. 

He squinted his eyes close, trying to escape but it only got worse. The pictures flashing through his mind were blurry at first, he couldn’t detect where he was at. He was sitting and there was someone in front of him, they were moving. A car? The person in front of him laughed, he knew that laugh. He knew it by heart. Felix. There was Felix in front of him, driving a car, while he was seated in the backseat. The images became clear then blurry again. He looked down. There was something in his hands. Something he couldn’t make out. Then, it stopped. The pictures vanished and everything went bright, there were shining lights, almost blinding him before there was nothing once again. Pure darkness. Pure darkness filled with pained screams. Clamor. Wail. Silence. 

All at once, everything stopped. The sounds inside of his head stopped and the lights in front of his eyes too. Everything was gone. Felix was gone and the picture of him in a car was gone. All that he had left, was the tingling feeling in his fingers, making him want to touch something. 

He opened his eyes again and his glance roamed around the room. It must be somewhere around here. It must be here. He looked everywhere, he looked at all the shelves and boxes and, in all edges, but nothing. He couldn’t remember. Couldn’t remember where it was, where he hid it. But he knew, it was here. 

He made his way back into his bedroom. Images appeared again but now; they weren’t as blurry. They were clear. He saw himself, laughing while talking to his brother. They were inside a car. Everything around them pitch black. It was night. He held something in his hands. A picture. He couldn't take his eyes off the said picture. Staring at it as he asked Felix to give him a pen, wanting to write something at the bottom of the polaroid. He also stared at it, when he tried to give Felix the pen back. He couldn’t look anywhere else. Then, it happened. His vision became blurry again as he fell to his knees, right in front of his closet. 

He pushed the door open, ignoring the tears running down his cheeks. He carelessly threw everything out, that was in his way. His shoes flew everywhere across the room, probably breaking one or two things but Minho didn’t care. All he cared about was one box. One box at the very back of his closet, hidden ever since he could remember. There it was. Right as he opened the box, he found it. 

His head pounding even more as he looked at that picture, the picture he held when it happened. It was the last thing he remembered. The face he saw before everything went black and he couldn’t remember anything anymore. The picture of a smiling man, dimples decorating his face and making him look even more astonishing. The picture that captured the look in the man’s eyes. A look that proved Minho, he was safe, that he was home. 

It was the picture Minho had taken the moment he first knew how much the man meant to him and how he was ready to never let him go. It was a picture of the night; he silently promised the older a forever. The night he silently told him how much he adored the freckles on his back or how he never wanted to stop running his finger through the other’s hair. Right when Minho took the picture, he knew what to write beneath it. 

That’s why, in the car, he couldn't look away from the man on the picture, a man he had fallen in love with. That’s why he was so eager to write something on it, wanting to remember this moment forever. The moment he knew, what he wanted. 

**“I want to spend all of my tomorrows with you”**

The writing was a bit messy due to the bumpy road that night and somehow, Minho couldn’t believe how that was the only thing he had left. The only thing left, of the man with the dimples, which decorated his smile. Of the man who looked at him so dearly. Of the man who he could remember again. Of the man, he wished nothing but happiness for. The man, who gave his everything for him but realized, that his everything couldn’t make both of them happy. 

The man, who had left his tomorrows now. 

_“Chan-Hyung”_

**Author's Note:**

> So uhmm...I don't know what to say?  
> First off, thanks if you have made it this far and are now reading this text hehe. This is the first written fic I ever managed to continue and honestly, I'm proud of it. I probably couldn't have managed to write this without the help of the people by my side. Those who got me into shipping minchan in the first place hehe. So special thanks to these few people, they know who they are and I'm too lazy to mention them uwu. 
> 
> Also, if you want to scream at me, ask me stuff or I don't know anything literally,,,My twitter is @wngpxppy  
> (i write some aus on there hehe, minchan isn't really happier in them tho)
> 
> Thank you, have a lovely day and stay safe uwu.


End file.
